The mental load of being an eczema mum
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Written by Shannon Schutz
One of the things people don't see about severe eczema is the mental load. The skin is obvious, that’s what people see. But what they don't see is what's happening inside my head every minute of every day.
I wake up every day and I’m scared to look at him. His skin can change overnight from looking great to being cracked, bleeding, and infected. I feel scared to go to bed, already anticipating the wakeful night where I have to hold down his arms to stop him from destroying his own body.
I analyse every meal. Every new food. Every product. Every cream. Every environmental change. I feel worried to walk into shops because of the strong perfume aisle, or the candles they sell. Public toilets make me anxious with the air fresheners being pumped through them.
Should I have used the steroids for another day? Should I have stopped them sooner? Is this infected? Is this healing? Is this just part of the process? Should I book another appointment? Should I cancel the appointment because maybe we're finally turning a corner? Should I go back to that other cream? It's exhausting.
People often send me messages saying, "Have you tried..." And I know it comes from such a kind place. But the truth is, when you're the parent of a child with severe eczema, you've probably spent thousands of hours trying to answer that exact question yourself. I have read so many studies, read through so many forums, listened to podcasts, read books. The list goes on. It is truly a full-time job that nobody sees.
I think the hardest part is that every decision carries so much weight because it's my child. If I make the wrong decision for myself, that's okay. If I make the wrong decision for him, that feels unbearable. So I keep researching, advocating, asking questions, and supporting him, because that's what mums do. We carry the invisible load when the people we love most can't carry it themselves.
If you're reading this while navigating eczema with your own child, I hope you can know that you aren’t alone. You aren’t failing your child because you haven’t found “the answer”. People keep asking me how I can be so strong and the truth is that I don’t feel it. There have been many times I’ve wished I could run away and come back when he’s all better, but when you’re a mother it is love that keeps you going, not strength. I have never felt so tired or weak, but I keep going because my love for him is stronger than all of the fear.
So for now we will just keep going, knowing that one day it will all be a memory.
Love,
Shan
Whether you're in Australia, New Zealand or elsewhere in the world, we hope this story reminds you that you're not alone.
Contact Shan on the links below.
Becoming Mother Midwifery | Empower Your Motherhood Journey